Most of the time I don't realize how much my life has changed since I found out I have a generalized anxiety disorder. I've only blogged about it a few times, and I don't talk about it a lot, but since I started taking medication and taking better care of myself a lot has changed. It took a long time- first three months, then six months and now over a year, but the difference has been amazing. I don't have as many random bad days as I did before, I don't worry or dwell as much, I have energy that lasts me through the whole day, I don't hold my breath all the time and my whole body is relaxed instead of bracing for something to happen. I'm able to be more present and giving in all of my relationships. I'm more consistently outgoing and positive. I'm more consistently myself.
I've been loving being a red head this year, and after wishing it was brighter last week I dyed my hair bright red. Neon, comic book, anime red- and now when I go out people turn to look at the colour. A year ago I would have dyed it back immediately, and I wouldn't have been able to move past worrying about what everyone else – anyone else – was thinking. A year ago I was too worried to blog about when I put a tiny blue streak in my hair because I didn't know how other's reactions would affect me.
This year I feel like I just keep becoming more myself and being comfortable in my own skin is the most amazing feeling. I'm not impenetrable by any means, but I trust myself and can stand stronger with my heart less troubled than it was before. I'm so proud that I'm unfolding into this fuller version of myself, and that I can wear my heart on my sleeve with more ease.
Even if, for a while, that heart happens to be neon, comic book, anime red.
LAST UPDATED ON: February 21st, 2012
CATEGORY: All Posts
How did you get this color
Hey Leanne!
I bleached my hair using Manic Panic’s flash lightening kit, and then used their dye. If I remember correctly, I left the dye in overnight. I think the colour was pillarbox red. It’s incredibly high maintanence and bleeds a lot – ultimately I’m a low mainenence girl and wasn’t interested in the upkeep. But if you’re looking for day glo, it’s totally possible. The Dainty Squid has some great resources to check out. Have fun!
I feel you on this. I’ve wanted to dye my whole hair for a while out, but i keep on just doing sections because i chicken out.
Hello!
I totally stumbled across your blog by happenstance and I normally do not ever comment because I’m just kinda that way I guess. LOL! BUT, I wanted you to know that over the course of this past year I have been discovering those same things about myself and that whole living your truth. I wanted you to know that I absolutely LOVE your red hair. It is went well with my complextion I’d totally do it! But guess what, just last week I dyed a strand of hair under my blonde hair in a beautiful royal purple color and it was awesome! Something I’ve always wanted to do but never done because I was worried about what other people would say, think, do.
I say… God has made you the way you are. You are not a mistake! Embrace yourself and the beauty you have. I’m sure doing that.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Emme
Thank you so much, Emme! I really appreciate your encouragement- I love that you tried purple! Quiet little moments of breaking out of your shell like that are big victories :)
LOVE the hair {though I’m biased as mine is the same colour ;)}
I also have generalized anxiety disorder and I’m so glad you’re feeling better! I know how hard it can be and the first months are the hardest. <33 I am so so envious of your beautiful red hair and am really happy I found your blog :)
Love and Turtledoves,
Jacqueline
It’s an incredible feeling to come into your own skin and love it! I’m very happy for you, and your hair is BEAUTIFUL!!
Beautifull post :)
I’d like to say a big fat thank you. because i would never have realised what it was that was bothering me, or how bad it had actually gotten without your blog. i thought it was normal to be this stressed, but then i read this and it just clicked. i’ve been to a doctor for a variety of different stuff, from having random panic attacs and difficulty breathing to feeling tired, but there was never anything wrong with me they could find physically. but seeing this i thought back and i realised how much it’s been building up within me for years. i went to see a doctor and i’m about to start treatment soon, but without you that would not have happened. so thank you! so so much!
i hope you continue feeling better and write such inspirational posts.
oh, and your hair is gorgeous :)
Aw Katy, you made me tear up! I’m so glad that I was able to play a small part in what I hope will be a wonderful, positive change in your life. I’m thinking about you today- and I really appreciate you letting me know that sharing my experience has helped you <333
You are gorgeous–even more so on the inside than the out. Thank you for sharing your heart. So many of us are struggling with depression and anxiety–I don’t say that to minimize your journey at all. Only to say that we need to share more openly and walk together. Thank you Kyla! xoxo
Your hair and you are BEAUTIFUL. :)
Kyla, you should be proud! I’m very proud of you. Thanks for sharing your journey. Reading it over the months is like a shot of B12 to my dark side. Ever thought of writing an inspirational e-book? You should!
I have been battling my anxiety for 10 years. I was only 15 when it got out of hand the first time, and I am now recovering from 2 years of absolute panic attack hell. It is a huge part of me and I dont talk about it often. Never on my blog. I appreciate that you do, because I dont know anyone else with this problem and I LOVE seeing people overcoming it. <3
Thank you for posting this! I went back and read the first article you posted about your experience then sent it to a girlfriend of mine. She use to be very social and outgoing and happy. Then college ended and I moved away and she started this downward spiral into, what I think, is depression. She gets muddled and frustrated and wants to go forth with her life but doesn’t really know how. I sent her a link to your post and I think it’ll do her some good to see other people feel like she feels.
THANK YOU!
I love your hair! Its so pretty! And you sure do look good with it! :D And I love your blog. Its awesome!! ^^ Its good to read about other people with problems thats like mine.. Even though I am just depressed, I can relate to a lot of stuff you are going trough.. I am going to follow you, couse I like reading what you write.
Your hair is amazing! I love it so much and it looks great on you!
Also, it’s wonderful to hear you speak up and talk about becoming comfortable in who you are. It’s very inspiring.
xo Jen
Wow, that red is amazing…and you have beautiful teeth too!
Oh my gosh! I love your anime red hair. It’s brilliant and so fun! It suits you so well :D
Hearing about you coming so far from your anxiety disorder fills me with hope. I am still daily battling the anxiety beast and i hope one day to be in your position. I’ve started a little blog called letstalkanxiety.blogspot.com and would love to hear some more about your thoughts.
Rose.
x
P.s Your hair is great :)
I love the flaming, blazing red hair. It suits you and there’s not many people out there who can pull it off.
your hair looks fantastic!! so happy to hear you’re doing well :) all the best for you!
Love.
I’m incredibly proud of you as well. & I adore that hair colour.
Love always!
xoxo
Eeeek!! That’s amazing, Kyla! :) I’m in awe of your courage, lady!! Love this. Way to rock the neon hair!
As a fellow blogger and anxiety disorder sufferer, I’d like to commend you. It’s not easy to admit to our supposed shortcomings via the world wide web, but I think it’s important to talk about it and make sure people know it’s not as rare as they think!! :)
You’re lovely and I’m glad your meds have been helping you become you again. I feel the same way about mine. Now if I was only brave enough [or daring enough] to dye my hair a light cotton candy pink [like I want to]. =P Oh real world jobs, they really hold me back! ;)
Sarah
Thank you, a thousand times over, for this. I need to remember to come back and read it when I am in one of my no-end-in-sight dark places. Thanks for being one of the (neon bight) lights at the end of my tunnel!
xox
I LOVE your hair. You are too adorable. <3
Gorgeous!
That color is amazing!
proud of you too.
I loooooooooove your comic book hair!! I also appreciate your openness about your anxiety. I deal with a lot of my own anxiety and it really helps to know that others face the same things and come out on top! Congratulations:)
I am in love with your amazing red hair. I am a redhead and my hair has been getting steadily brighter with each dye i pick. I am so jealous of you now. I am currently fighting my own battle with GAD. I am doing better than when I first learned about it. But it has caused almost unchecked depression and insomnia in my life. At the same time, your story makes me hopeful that there might be a life at the end of the tunnel.
I’m so glad things are brighter! Hair included :)
I’m so glad you feel so much better Kyla. No one should be restricted from being 100% themselves and feeling comfortable in their own skin.
And you pull off the bright red so, so well!
Wow, it looks so fantastic. How on EARTH did you get it that red?
Also, as another anxiety sufferer, I am so happy to hear you are feeling better than ever! <333
How wonderful that you can share this here! I have always had some anxiety and know how frightening it can be. I love your hair color. It really suits you!
I love, love, love hearing/reading about people finding ways to be more comfortable and at peace in their own skin. I’m so glad you’re feeling more at ease.
And that hair is almost as gorgeous as your smile!
Soooo happy for you. And also really glad you’re sharing this vulnerable stuff here. Have you seen In Good Company (http://www.ingoodcompanyproject.org/)? I was so excited when I found it last night, and just had to share.
P.S. My GOSH, the hair is beyond suberb. LOVE.
It really is such an inspirational story! I wish you all the best.
btw. the hair is A M A Z I N G!! :D
how fantastic. this is such a beautiful story and so inspirational – you are such a beautiful woman! i love love the comic book hair xo
C
YES! Welcome to the bright red hair club! :)
Love your red hair! You look gorgeous as always. :)
oh my goodness you and your hair are GORGEOUS!! i had fun purple (and pink and blue….) hair in college but haven’t had the guts or opportunity to dye it a fun color since then. i love how genuine and honest and kind you are – the way you come across on your blog makes me feel as if i’ve known you for ages. take care :)
LOVE the red. Beautiful. :)
I LOVE that hair. I’m working up the nerve to go all out, cartoon purple sometime soon :)
WOWZERS! Your hair colour is incredible.
Good for you, and I hope you continue with your progress.
x.x.x
Wow, I thought it looked great before, but this is AMAZING! And so brave of you to share! i know it can be hard but congrats on over coming/dealing with your anxiety!
OMG ! You look amazing ! So beautiful Kyla ! Great post, so honest and such an interesting read x x
Kyla,
Thank you so much for posting about your struggles. I’ve never heard of GAD before but I am sure that my husband has the same problem. Doctors are always trying to diagnos him with depression but we have both felt that the depression is more of a symptom. I read the first paragragh of the story of how you found out and related perfectly. Every word. I will try to convince my husband to see the doctor again (he’s become rather anti-doctor after many bad experiences) but do you have any suggestions about what I can do to help him?
Okay, first off your hair is freaking AWESOME. For serious.
Second, I think it’s awesome you’re learned to just be yourself and to be comfortable in your skin. I’m going through a divorce right now and I’m having to learn all over again to just love me and be me. It can be hard. I think you’re doing a great job.
Awesome hair! So happy to hear that you’re conquering your anxiety.
Kyla,
I am so hopeful that I will be where you are one day again. I’ve been struggling lately with a relapse of my own issues with anxiety, reading your words always brightens my day and makes the bad days better. Thank you for being an amazing virtual friend; and always sharing.
Have an amazing week and keep being amazing,
Lo
I am so glad that you’re finding your true self and feeling comfortable in your own skin. Thats so important. You are an amazing person and I’m so glad that you’re winning the battle against anxiety. The red hair suits you!
I am so glad things are going well for you and getting better :] You look gorgeous with the anime red hair!!! I would love to try something this vibrant but get too nervous. Maybe with time I will shake things up a bit.
Okay, so I’m a slow commenter, but I love this. First, your hair is absolutely darling. It’s perfect. I LOVE IT!!! You better be flaunting that look. It fits you. It’s bright and bold and powerful, yet the red is comfortable… Does that make ANY SENSE?!
Anyway. Go you!!! I know how hard anxiety like that can be, while I don’t have ’tis, Jen DOES. And I know it’s a huge obstacle you must overcome and also a part of you that you gotta accept and conquer as best you can and ’tis sounds like you’re doing JUST THAT. Rock on, sista!
Hi- I’m a lurker and I just want to say that I appreciate your post and I love your red hair!
that color is AMAZING! i really admire your courage!! you totally rock it :)
Sooo vibrant-the hair and your smile! :)
I LOVE the red hair kyla. LOVE LOVE LOVE it awesome amazing. I’m so happy that you see the ways you have grown in yourself over the past year and it is so awesome to hear about it! You rock that hair, girl.
xo Moorea
That color is amazing on you!
you are the prettiest girl in the world
You are totally awesome. I love your hair, and I wish that in a year’s time I would feel like that too, as I have a lot of panic attacks and it’s kinda getting me down. Reading your post made me see light at the end of the very dark tunnel. xo
The process of healing can be so long, so it’s awesome you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and can really feel a difference. Love your comic book hair, by the way!
Congratulations!! I’m so proud of you, you look gorgeous!!
Kyla, thank you so much for posting this. I too have severe anxiety, so much so that it is currently preventing me from starting the blog I’ve been wanting and planning for years. :/ Anxiety can be so isolating–I end up holed up inside my apartment many days–so it is really comforting to hear your story. It makes me feel much less alone, and inspires me to know that I can continue to get better like you did.
Girl your hair is amazing, and it looks so good on you! I am proud and so appreciate that you share with the world. This hair totally made my day, thanks!
PS: How did you acheive this colour??
You positively glow in these pictures. And not just because of that amazing neon red hair! Well done you for getting to where you are. Your pride in your achievement is so deserved. Shine girl, SHINE! xo
i love seeing you in that red red hair! you look dynamite kyla! i love how honest you are, it is so refreshing! after amy’s self love inspiring month it is so great to see others open up. i did and i feel so much better about it sharing it with all my friends :)
xo,
cb
Holy moly, I am in LOVE with this colour girl. It’s absolutely jaw droppingly awesome!!
I’ve had serious hair envy over red heads lately…I was a red head for about 6 years (from dark cherry to super bright – not quite that bright though) haha and I’m dying to go back…get it, dying…haha
Anyway, you look beautiful! And alive!
Well, I’m glad you can see what others see in you. You have a lot to be confidant in – and I love how you rock that bimonscificon hair. XO
Kyla! I totally relate to this post on so many levels. (Not the least of which is the profound joy of being a traffic-stopping redhead. ;) I think everyone should try red at least once in their life.)
Anyway, I too have a touch of anxiety, and deal with it in a kind of bizarre way — I’m always pulling out hairs on the back of my neck. :P Isn’t that gross? I don’t know why I do it, and my husband always tries to get me to stop. I think anxiety is one of those things that manifests itself very physically, whether it be losing sleep, stress eating, or pulling out your hair.
And Amanda, I know exactly what you mean about the looming feeling of dread. Almost as if anxiety doesn’t even require a worrisome EVENT, it’s just this general, spiky ball of emotion that’s waiting to attach itself to something.
But Kyla! I think you are very brave to be so open about it, and (to echo everyone else here) your red hair is not only a beautiful color on you, it’s beautiful because it symbolizes a bold and confident approach to the world. :) Love it, your tats, and your free spirit. Charge!
your hair looks absolutely amazing, I love, love, love it! Yay to feeling more and more like yourself inside and out!
I couldn’t be more in love with your hair even if I tried! Gorgeous! So should be so proud that people stop to stare at it.
Holy CRAP Kyla! That looks amazing. Pinning these photos too! :D
And thank you for sharing your story/struggle with anxiety with us. It’s important for people to realize that mental disorders can be just as hindering as physical ones, but they, too, can be overcome.
<3,
M
How wonderful that things are going better for you! having a chronic illness myself I know how hard it can be to struggle with it. It’s wonderful to read that life is good at your place!
L.O.V.E the hair…like …srsl…OMG…it’s sooooo pretty on you :)
First, congrats on getting to a place where you can feel proud of yourself – you have sooooo much to be proud of!
Second, holy cats lady – LOVE the colour on you. Absolutely stunning!
It looks fantastic!! Good for you for just going for it – so much easier that way, right?
I am so, so, so in love with your hair!!! I had to get rid of my bright red hair due to a crazy unknown allergic reaction I had. The doctors pinned it on bleaching my hair, but nothing was ever really confirmed. As soon as I let this dark brown fade out enough, you bet I am going right back to it!
I used to feel so weird having strangers make comments or staring at my hair everywhere I went, but eventually, I didn’t even notice. I hope you keep this color for a while and congratulations on being able to be yourself! That is a big step!!
While I personally liked the red color you had before a lot more, I think it’s amazing that you can pull off the neon-red! It shows how much confidence you have in yourself! And that is amazing! :)
I love it!!! It looks fantastic.
I did a lot of agonising at lunchtime before purchasing “Intense Red” dye; I had to check the chemist still had dye remover in stock before I could risk it. I feel calmer now, after reading this post.
I love reading posts like this! i’m glad you are happy! that color looks amazing on you! have a wonderful day!
hahha! you look so cute. as always :)
This is a great post and all the comments too! It’s nice to feel like I’m not alone in this struggle. I can relate to finally feeling like you’re becoming your true self. I still have some hard days but they don’t last as long and I’m learning to manage them better. Today is a tough one. Work is crazy stressful and my fur baby is sick and the vets don’t know why. But I’m doing my best :)
Love your hair! I feel that way about my tattoos! It’s only been in the last year that I’ve felt the courage to really get what I wanted and not care what anyone else thinks!
Sounds like you are taking control of all avenues of your life and I have to say I am sooo jealous of your hair color!!! I think it is totally awesome and you look adorable with it.
I love your hair!
Also thank you for linking to that post I had never read it before.
That is my life, and i am so tired of it. I really think I should just live with this forever.
But its good to know I can go talk to someone.
Hi Kyla – wow that red looks great.
I love (love, love, LOVE!) the bright red hair :) And thanks for posting about your experience with GAD – I’ve been struggling with anxiety a lot lately and even though it’s hard – it’s always nice to know you’re not the only one going through it, and to know that I CAN (and will!) feel comfortable in my own skin again :)
Oh man. Your hair is SO amazing! Red isn’t really my color, but I’d love to have something so daring and fun! You are too cute :)
KILLER RED! It looks great.
That red rocks!
You are so beautiful and inspiring Kyla! I love this post. Thank you for sharing your experiences with anxiety. Rock your red hair with pride! :)
That’s so amazing — congratulations on so many achievements. I’ve dealt with some similar issues and I can appreciate how challenging they are to overcome. You are so lovely and so inspiring — I’m glad you’re sharing your experience with others!
Also… your hair? FABULOUS. I wish I could do something like that! Unfortunately, I don’t think it would go over well at the office. Hmph. Maybe someday when/if I can go 100% freelance! :)
I love the color! and it suits you so well. and im happy for you that you have found your inner strength and you should be definetely proud of yourself !
Fab hair! It really suits you. And so glad to hear things are better – I suffer from anxiety too, but I have a great support network of people so I’m doing a lot better than I was when I was too scared to tell anyone about it… hope things remain awesome :)
Vixie
I love your hair! And I know how you feel about the anxiety, too. GAD was so “normal” for be that when I started getting treatment it was strange to not worry and be tense all the time. I wondered if I would have the drive to get anything done without my inner critic constantly raging at me. And then I realized… yes, the drive is still there, but now I actually enjoy doing things! My motivation is doing a good job for the sake of doing a good job, not because I’m worried that I’ll hate myself if I don’t succeed.
Great post, and you look beautiful :-).
Way to go! It makes me so happy to read posts like this. (I can relate, I also have GAD) and I am so glad to hear you’ve been feeling so much better. Isn’t it funny how long we let ourselves suffer sometimes before we ask for help? Also, your hair looks so good. ♥
LOVE the color! And so proud/happy for you that you can really see these changes happening for you!
YOU GO GIRL!!! (okay, that was cheesy)
I love it! And I love that you are able to share it with us :)!
I have to say good for you for you for getting to grips with your general anxiety order. My doctors diagnosed me depression. I’ve never taken any tablets for it, though I know that they do help some people and that’s cool. Interestingly enough on any tests, I’ve always come out with a higher score for anxiety than depression. So for me it’s finding ways about to deal with the anxiety and help myself when I’m feeling that way.
I hope that I’m becoming more fully myself also. This is after years of people telling me who I should be; that doesn’t work and therein lies madness as well as being very unhappy. So nuts to them – if they don’t like me, that’s their problem. I might be an acquired taste, but I happen to think I’m pretty cool.
And as someone who has been in the red end of the spectrum hairwise the last er, since my teenage years which is over twenty years, nearer to thirty, I love your hair.
Dear Kyla,
Thank you so much for writing this post. I don’t often have time to read the blogs I follow, and for some reason this morning while getting ready for work that’s exactly what I’m doing and I loved the photo of your bright red hair in my blog feed and clicked on this post.
Just 5 minutes ago, I was thinking about how I think that I have anxiety. It’s something I think about a lot, and I’ve never really done anything about it. I worry all day about strange things, and sometimes just have this looming feeling of dread. It makes it hard to trust my instincts sometimes, because I’m unsure if it’s real or if it’s just my anxious nature.
Reading this post made me feel so much better – to know that maybe what I have is in fact a real thing and that maybe I can start to do something about it to feel less worried.
Your red hair is beautiful and I’m so happy that you’ve had such wonderful changes the past year. Keep being your beautiful self!
Love,
Amanda
Your hair is gorgeous and you pull it off so well! You’re even tempting me to have the confidence to rock a bolder look!
Glad things are going better for you, and particularly glad that you therefore were able to share these pictures of your amazing new hair!