I’m not as shy as I used to be. I don’t lock up in a group of people like I have in the past – conversation is easier to make and I find it easier to blend, or stand out as I like. I’m not as concerned about what other people think of me. I don’t buy into other people as quickly as I used to – I’m interested in your story, but I’m also interested in why you’re telling it, and in what parts you’re leaving out. I don’t worry about my clothes, I love putting together a really great outfit and then tuning out to other people’s reactions. I’m no longer confused by people who say they dress for themselves. I’m not going to look great everyday, either.
I’m still not very public. I try to help my friends – online and offline – as much as I can, sometimes to the point that I forget I need my energy too, but even when I need help I’m not someone who speaks up about it easily. I don’t want to ask things of other people or take them away from what they’re doing. I won’t be dissuaded from doing black flips for interested parties who are well intentioned, I’m so relieved to find those people I can’t help myself. I’m not thick skinned but I’m not easily offended, I just won’t ignore the bad or careless behavior of others, especially when it’s aimed at other people.
I’m not able to work properly when there’s music on, I get too drawn in. I am not going to be an omnivore ever again, but I’m not sure how to feel about my beautiful new – and very animal un-friendly – mukluks. I’m not going to ever try to talk Mister into being vegetarian, just on principal. I’m not bilingual. I’m not going to listen to the terrified cries of my hairdresser when she pleads with me to stop cutting my own bangs between cuts (I own scissors! It’s cold out!). I’m not sure when I was in a night club last – I think it was five years ago. I’m not doing anything to change that. I’m not against ordering a pint of beer when I’m out for a drink – or a glass of red wine. But I’m not someone who drinks merlot. I’m not completely clear on how French wine regions work.
I’m not against marking all of my google reader as read when the alternative is martyrdom. I’m not big on TV – I PVR Fringe, The Tudors, and The Dog Whisperer, and could pretty much take or leave the rest of it. I’m not adverse to celebrity magazines, but my heart is really with the stack of French Vogue and RUSSH that my sister has lent to me. I’m not as into scrapbooking as I would like to be. I’m not knitting as prolifically as I wish I could be. I’m not sure what to do about my little arms that get so painful from over use. I’m not sure what the coffee at my work tastes like, I’m not brave enough to risk myself to tell that tale. I’m not in charge of cooking for our house because I burn our dinner now and then.
I’m not as nostalgic as I was in university, but I day dream more than I ever have.
I’m not someone who believes that the key to a good relationship is doing everything together and having all of the same interests. I’m not sure that I would be the remotely same person I am now if I hadn’t met Mister and in the same breath, I’m not giving up any part of me to be in this relationship, and that makes me deeply satisfied. I’m not an expert on co-habitation, but I’ve never lived completely alone, and I kind of wish I had, at least for a little while. I’m not living with extravagance, but have chosen to do this simply and within our means and something about that feels like a really wonderful secret.
Thank you to Brookem for the amazing idea for this post – it was harder than I thought it would be! Hope you enjoyed!