There are some experiences that put you firmly in a “before it happened” and “after it happened” territory. Moments that define how you look at the world. And they always seem to be moments that start normally enough.
It was St. Patrick’s day, I was 19, and I hadn’t seen Alex in months. Her short spikey blonde hair was almost in a buzz cut now, and her baggy men’s shirt and pants exaggerated the mock seriousness of her expression. She looked like a fine young English gentleman, and when I told her so she adopted an accent and started gesturing wildly, talking about her exploits over the past few months. I laughed while she told me about her newest girlfriend – not the one who was coming tonight, don’t confuse them! – she was always over the top. I shook my head. I told her I was single now, Mark was gone for real now, and that the scars on her arms were healing up really well. I held her forearm and inspected it while she pulled out her cigarettes.
“I love you. If you do any more of this I’ll fucking kill you, do you understand me, miss?”
“Young man to you, don’t give me away you maniac! Lets go outside, yes?”
“Yes!”
We spilled outside the bar, catching up on what we’d been up to since high school. I couldn’t believe that I knew this girl before she was this person, back when we were so small. I lit my cigarette off someone’s who was standing outside with us, then I leaned into her as she lit hers off mine.
“Hey dyke! Why don’t you light mine?”
I turned around and looked at the guy who was standing in front of me, I laughed and turned back. Alex’s friends were all over the map, but this blonde kid was really out there. What a weird approach! He looked like he should be hitting on 19 year olds and driving a pick up truck- just some normal looking guy.
“Hey dyke!”
This was a weird game he was playing, I wondered how they would have crossed paths.
“Hey dyke, I’m talking to you! Won’t you fuckin’ talk to people who aren’t queer?”
I looked up at Alex. Her jaw was locked and her eyes had gone hard. She didn’t know him. He was talking to me. He was talking to me. I felt a hand crush down on my shoulder as he spun me around, pushed his face in mine and shouted again.
“HEY QUEER!”
Without thinking I pushed him back with all the weight my body would allow, “Hey asshole! Leave us the fuck alone! You don’t say shit to me, and you don’t say shit to my girlfriend! Do you understand me?!”
Alex stood tall behind me. There was a tense quiet that lasted for a year. He sized us up and took another step towards me, and in a minute she flew in front of me- this time we were both shouting, both moving forward, both going to guard the other. People stepped out from inside the bar and turned to see us facing off with this wall of a famer’s son. There was a deafening silence, until finally he wavered and walked away.
We stood, vibrating with adrenaline watching him retreat. Alex and I blinked hard for a moment and then tossed out cigarettes down and moved quickly back inside. Alex ordered us drinks, calm as anything while I looked around the bar, dazed. Wondering how many other people in the room had those words inside of them, waiting to explode.
K: “I didn’t think that people DID that anymore. Did we just get gay bashed? What just happened?”
A: “What just happened? Since when am I your girlfriend?!”
I took a long sip of my drink and shook my head at her amused expression, “Oh shut up,” I laughed, feeling shaky and as tough as a tomcat, “you belong to the world.”
{image: lolita.se}
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Kyla, you tell a beautiful story.
Cripes. I got an adrenaline rush just reading this.
You’re such a vivid storyteller, and I hung on to every single word even though I’ve heard this before.
You ARE a prizefighter.
Can we sit and tell more stories soon?
You’re a natural-born story teller. Memoirs of Kyla, #1 New York Times Bestseller… I can see it now =)
On the flip side, what a jackhole (yes, I made that word up) to have said that to you and your friend. Surely the Sicilian in me would have pinnned his skinny ass to the wall.
Amazing. I can’t believe that people like that are still around… of course we know they are, but we don’t generally see them. My coworker proposed to her girlfriend yesterday and the whole office was buzzing with happy. Love is love.
You’re incredible, Kyla. You can tell me stories all day. xo
Wow….that’s an intense story. It just makes you feel sad for these people and wonder what make them say things like that.
You, my darling are a tomcat rock star.
It makes me sad to think that people are still like that in the world (ugh, in this city)- and proud to know that YOU’RE the fabulous one that I know and adore in that story.
I love LOVE that last line. What a great story – and story teller! (And, yeah, I didn’t know people STILL gay bashed. How sad they really are.)
Wow, amazing! I can’t believe I forgot to come here, I’ve missed so much and need to catch up!
Amazing. I had to take a moment to unclench my own jaw after reading this.
My mind just can’t wrap around the kind of ignorance and useless pent-up hate someone like that must have sloshing around in them day after day.
Beautifully told, as usual.
I felt like I was there with you. Very well written. People can be very ignorant and heart less.
Amazing story, Kyla. :] & I could be looking too deeply into it.
Thank you guys, it was one of those totally wild, perception changing experiences.
My friend (potentially) has to deal with this stuff all the time because of how she looks and her sexual orientation. And I just don’t.
It’s so unfair and I don’t understand how that’s out there in the world still, but it really opened up my understanding of what it feels like to face discrimination and I’m thankful for that.
A friend of mine came out to me well after she came out to the rest of our ‘group’, telling me that she thought I wouldn’t approve because my family went to church. I was saddened by that, because I would have done this for her if necessary. It’s what a true friend does.
This post made my heart both break a little and sing a little. I hate that there are still people like that guy in this world but I love that there are people like you and Alex to balance it out.
Kyla, you’re going to make me start crying at work! Wow. What an amazing story on so many levels. Ugh, I hate that there’s such hatred in the world but I love that you proved to your friend and yourself and everyone around you that there’s also so much love and friendship. You are wonderful. And such a beautiful writer! I LOVE the last line of this piece. Brilliant!
Wow, that’s so scary. It’s so hard for me to accept that there is still so much small-mindedness in the world. You did the right thing standing up for your friend. Such a well-written post!
Wow. Really. You are a total bad ass.
I am truly jealous of how well written this is.
That’s a really good story. Wow. I can’t believe there’s still people out there like that.
Whoa. That was really intense. You are an amazing writer, Kyla!
It’s amazing to me that there are still people like that in the world. I feel so sad for them.
I got chills reading this. It’s dumbfounding that people can fill themselves with a sense of superiority over something they don’t even understand. It comes in so many forms, and none are acceptable. I admire how well you handled the situation!
This story is both heartbreaking and gorgeous, and is impeccably written. I love it.
WOW. I’m stunned that people still treat other people with such disrespect, it’s absolutely appalling. Thankfully there are people like you in this world who have the courage and strength to fight back! It makes you that much more beautiful =)
And you live in CANADA.
Now picture girls like Alex living in this country. No wonder why I’ve seen WAY too many news on the papers about gays, lesbians and transvestites who get MURDERED by people like him.
You have an amazing way with words, lady.
you do tell a beautiful story. screw that ignorant little boy.
i’m so proud of you for sticking up for your friend.
:)
fuck, girl.
this is gorgeous. like, sucker-punch-to-the-gut gorgeous.
Hey Kyla, will you be MY girlfriend? I’m all jealous over here that Alex gets you all to herself!!
Seriously though, this is one of the best posts I’ve read in a really long time. Love you.
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Wrapping up… =-.
This post gave me goosebumps, I hung on every word. You’re a truly amazing writer.
I also do not understand how people like that are still out there! People need to mind their own business and worry about their own life/problems more often!
.-= Amber from Girl with the Red Hair´s last blog ..Online Dating: new-fashioned way to meet people? =-.
Wow, you guys are awesome! Standing up against the arrogant and ignorant. Seriously awesome! :)
.-= Elly´s last blog ..And then we were in Melbourne . . . =-.
you are always a delight to read. As heartbreaking and vile were the actions described in the story, I still was able to crack a smile at the end.
you are some kind of wonderful :)
.-= thatShortChick´s last blog ..My Book Review: Commencement =-.
Sadly instances like this happen all too often. You are an amazing friend and an amazing storyteller (I agree with Nora, Memoirs of Kyla, NYT best seller).
.-= mandy´s last blog ..Fruits and Veggies Make It Healthy Right? =-.
this was so, so beautiful. “you belong to the world,” should be tattooed on someone’s arm somewhere.
Wow, I didn’t think people did that anymore either. It still amazes me how backward some people are. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your friend. I wonder if that guy continues to be a jackass today…
.-= Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..Its Stuff Like This That Will Forever Change Your Opinion of Vaginas =-.
What a story. It is tragic in so many ways that this still happens–absurd, really.
Everyone needs a friend like you, Kyla!
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Behind the scenes =-.
Wow kyla, a look at you completely different now. In a good way, don’t worry. Beautiful story.
.-= Rachie´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
wow that was definitely uncalled for and I agree I never thought people did that anymore.
By the way, love how this post was written. :)
I hate ignorant people, I would have tried to shove as hard as I can, as well. You write it beautifully, Kyla.
this makes me both happy & incredibly sad at the same time. this does ‘still’ happen. it hurts, and it isn’t fair. you, dear, are an incredible friend.
I love this post, and, although I’m usually a pacifist, if that idiot had touched me or addressed me in that way, I wouldn’t have had words with him before busting his jaw into a million pieces and watching him hit the floor.
.-= Miss Dallas´s last blog ..Jellyfish: Why unstructured days are both good and bad, but may not always require urine to make it stop hurting. =-.
This post was entertaining and possessed a certain depth to it. Maybe because I can parallel it with events in my own life leading to a psuedo-fight where I accosted her with my vicious rhetoric rather than my fists. I loved your dialogue and the phrase “There was a tense quiet that lasted for a year” beautifully worded. :)
go you girl. gosh, i just dont understand such rude discriminatory evil people. it breaks my heart in two.
.-= Moorea Seal´s last blog ..Etsy Update! =-.
Wow. I’m almost speechless by this story. I cannot believe people like that are out there. It’s almost unbelievable.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..Cuppycakes! =-.
Could you record your stories so I can listen to them more? I love the way you write :)
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..The joys of vacation =-.
Such an amazing story, Kyla. Thanks for telling it.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..It’s Okay Friday =-.
Damn, girl. You rock.
Much like Miss Dallas, “I’m usually a pacifist”, but my reaction would have been exactly the same as yours was (get all up in his face and be ready to fight… but hope we didn’t have to)!
Wow. I am proud of you for standing up to that creep. I probably would have gone numb and not known what to do. You should try to have this published, Kyla. You have a knack for story-telling… as I am obviously the 87th person to tell you that :)
.-= Mermanda´s last blog ..Important update (about poop) =-.