I have to apologize, I’ve been light on stories for you lately and since I’m pretty sure that’s what blogging is about, I’m sorry. I’ve been in a challenging work environment for the past four months and my day to day my mantra has finally become “just get through it”. Unfortunately “getting through” has meant choking back on my emotions, which isn’t in my nature and has seemed to left me permanently short of breath, without the energy to write and a little afraid of what will happen if I look closer at my situation with some honesty.
So since I’ve been holding back, this is the story of the past four months:
Last year I worked a comfy job where I had nothing to do for 6 months of the year. I pleaded with my work to change the position to part time and when they declined, I took a job where I would have an incredibly challenging workload and would be succeeding into a management position immediately. I start working, a month passes and things change. People who were supposed to leave, stay, and so the adventure begins.
The building is beautiful, the work is interesting, but the atmosphere is edgy. I wonder why, everyone is so nice. My co-workers give me vague warnings and ask me how I am. I wonder why, everyone is so nice! And then it starts to happen. No matter what I do, no matter how precisely I work or how ahead of deadline I am, or how specifically I address everyone’s concerns, everything I complete is returned to me with revisions and a little note that implies I’m stupid.
Extremely stupid. Careless. Incompetent. Information is withheld from me in an effort to test me. I’m repeatedly asked questions about why I can’t stop making mistakes, and what specifically is my weakest point in my opinion, by an amused manager who smiles at me like I’m a child being asked to speak in front of adults for the first time.
Know that I can’t possibly explain it fully, and that if you want the password for protected posts and a little more context, just comment, but know that I examined all avenues I could and none did anything. Oh to dream of a workplace with an HR department! So suffice it to say that the past few months have been hard.
I can take a challenge here and there, and I can work with strong personalities, but after a number of months of it being both implied and stated every day that I’m useless and stupid, I stopped being proud of pushing through what others hadn’t been able to push through. I stopped wanting to answer questions that are intended to humiliate me instead of help me be better. I stopped wanting to hand in work. I stopped caring about why everyone supported this person and saw that there was nothing I could do or say that would change the situation.
So who am I?
I’m a quitter.
After long talks with Mister and my family, we’ve decided to air lift me out of this situation. And I’m not just leaving, we’ve worked our budgets so I can take the summer off! I can’t express to you how happy this makes me, I worked full time in the summers during high school, full time during my year off school, full time during my equally full time university studies, and full time through to now. I would characterize half of these workplaces as equally abusive, and all have been in the entertainment industry – an industry I’m not willing to work in any more. Mister and I are in a strong financial place, but I’m falling to pieces.
So after a lot of discussion, I’m taking the summer off…and Happy Canada Day, today is Day One!!
I will have so much more for you in the coming weeks, I know I will finally be able to write again and I have so many projects to work on. We’re going to be living on the skint and working hard to see how long we can live as a one income family – and we’re excited to look at what that means for how work will look in the future for both of us.
It’s taken a while for me to not see this as a failure but as an act of liberation, where I can re-examine my priorities in life and work and take some time for me, but I’m there now and I couldn’t be more grateful. It’s been an insane year- this time a year ago I was still planning our wedding and prepping to move into our little house on the prairie.
I’m so glad we have the time to let me pick up the pieces of my heart after this cap to a series of wild experiences, and to figure things out, and I can’t wait to see what happens.
Thank you so much for your support! You all break my heart!
{Image: fubiz}
{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }
i am SO beyond happy for you! i hope this summer is even more wonderful and inspiring than you thought it would be!
First, no need at all to apologize for not blogging/writing. That’s entirely up to you if and when you want to do it. So please don’t apologize for that!
Second, I’m so super happy for you that you’re taking it off! I think we tend to underestimate how much of a break we need sometimes and since you can take it, definitely go for it! And enjoy every single moment!
Lastly, Happy Canada Day!
hugs :)
congratulations on taking ahold of your life! you deserve so much more than that. not sure why people think they can be so condescending and cruel for no reason. enjoy your summer vaca. i envy you :)
Good for you! I am so happy that you are giving yourself a break, & most importantly, that you are not kicking yourself for it. You deserve this so much, Kyla. You’ve been through so much bullshit, & I think you NEED this little vacation for yourself.
But one thing I didn’t quite understand: did you quit your job? Or you’re just not coming back?
Regardless, I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself! :]
YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! And Happy Canada Day! I’m inserting u’s into various wourds today just four YOU! :)
And wow. You are absolutely amazing. I can not WAIT to see what the summer brings.
I’m so glad you are in a position to make this decision. It sounds very healthy, enjoy your summer.
kyla!! i’m sitting at my desk right now, all sorts of choked up.
Here’s an except from g-chat with lily today check it:
lily: have you read kyla’s post today? it makes me giddy
and jealous
me: no!
must go look!
lily: big news! big day :)
i’ve been waiting for her to finally tell this story and it makes me SO happy
me: i KNOW
i’m like… choked up right now.
lily: i know.
bottom line? WE LOVE YOU. i’m so incredibly inspired by you and so proud that you took this leap and did something wonderful for yourself. this summer is going to hold so many wonderful things for you lady. LOVE YOU.
I’m am so glad you got yourself out of that situation! It sounded horrible and I’m so happy you get to take some time off and relax. Hooray for liberation!
I did the same thing 2 years ago and it was the best thing I could have ever done! An awesome opportunity opened up in the fall, so not only was a relaxed as hell, my mind was completely cleared and it made getting back into the work thing so much easier. Enjoy your summer!! (2 years later i’m still itching for a summer break again now- but at least i love the job i switched to)
Congrats! (I think. Is that the proper response?) :) I hope all goes well.
Can I get the password for the other post? :)
I’m so proud of you!!!! Like my favorite movie says “I know you feel like a big fat failure, but your not! You’re daring to believe that you could have a different life!” You are so brave! And it will be so awesome for you and your hubby that you have the opportunity to take the summer off!
Good for you! :)
Totally jealous. I’ve been dying to take some time off. Good for you.
I am so thrilled for you! You deserve nothing less, and I think you’ll find it easier than you thought to have the single income. Eric and I have been doing it for a while, until the photography picked up, and it just meant that we had to be pickier about certain things, which really made them more special.
Ahh! So happy!
Thank you so much for your kind comments & encouragement!
Apricot Tea – Yes, I’m 100% finished with my previous work. I gave notice a week and a half ago (and almost died for not telling the internet lol) and today is my first day without work
I’m so proud of you!! This is such a big step and a VERY important one. You deserve to be treated better in a job and you deserve this break!! :)
I am SO HAPPY for you! I have been in the same toxic environment in the past and the only thing good that can come out of it is blog fodder. Leaving that job doesn’t make you a “quitter” really – it makes you a winner. Have a WONDERFUL summer.
I’m so glad you’re out of that mess!
Good job, Kyla. It must be like a breath of fresh air!! Enjoy your summer off, you deserve it!
Kyla, I am so happy for you! Enjoy having the summer off, and use this time to rejuvenate yourself!
Kyla, your story sounds so much like what a friend of mine went through. Unfortunately, these types of catty, unhealthy work environments seem to be quite common and it is really such a shame.
That said, GOOD ON YOU for getting out of there, taking a leap into the great unknown, risking your neck for the sake of your heart. Do you know how many people in the world slave away at jobs they abhor for years and years and years only to wind up miserable?
It’s not worth it. Congratulations on having chutzpah the size of mountains and making that jump.
I’m so excited for you! yay! I look forward to more posts by you. I absolutely adore your writing, and what fun with all the projects. *hugs* I’m glad you made the right decision! I cant believe you were holding out on telling us! Well at least I didnt have to wait too long, I’m so impatient sometimes. :)
It’s amazing that you kept yourself together in such a hostile environment for so long! More power to you, sister! Enjoy this sweet summer and find out what will make you happy!!!
Kyla, you’re not a failure. What’s good working with all those burden? Nobody deserves to be created like crap every day like that, you can always get something you like to do in the future. Enjoy your summer ;)
No matter what you shouldn’t have to put up with an abusive workplace. It’s not that you’re a quitter, it’s that you’re doing what’s best for your mental health! So congrats! Enjoy your summer!
good for you! i don’t think you’re a quitter at all, i would have gotten the hell out of there too. i had some unexpected and unwanted time off just after college and i wish i had taken advantage of it more, so enjoy your summer!
Hurrah!! So excited for you! Happy Canada Day!
YAY! i am so proud of you! this is so exciting. can i have the password again? (is it the same every time?)
Yay for you! That sounds amazing. And how awful of your (now past) employers to treat you that way and make you feel so bad about yourself. I don’t understand people who think managing that way is helpful or productive, and it seems to happen more than we’d think.
Well done for taking what was probably quite a scary step. Here’s hoping your summer is brilliant!
YES!!!! What fantastic news. I’m beyond thrilled for you lady. I know you will have the most magnificent summer ever.
I’m jealous of you! I wish I could take the summer off. You definitely deserve it though! Hopefully the summer will be long and worthwhile for you. :)
I’m so happy you have the summer off! Who doesn’t love that? As long as your happy, that’s all that matters.
Would you mind if I had the password for the other post?
WHAT WONDERFUL NEWS!! I am so excited to hear this.
Go you!! I wish I could have done that with my other job. But alas, I was the only one working and had to stay. I hope you have a wonderful non-working summer!
I am so proud of you. I knew, though, that this was where you were heading. And I wouldn’t call it quitting because quitting is what retarded fickle people do. You left and you deserved to leave that awful place. They are not good enough for you. If they couldn’t see what a great person they had then they didn’t deserve you.
Also, I’m so happy for you (and mister). Being financially stable, and stable enough for you to take at least the summer off is awesome. There is nothing I feel you should do more. You need this time off. No, you earned this time off. Congrats hun!
Congratulations on leaving a place that was obviously very toxic and unhealthy!
And yay! Summer off!!!
Aw, now I wish I read the protected post… But I hate being overly nosey and prying more than I feel I should.
Either way, I’m glad you got out of a situation where you were unhappy. There’s nothing worse than feeling stuck and miserable. I’m also glad you didn’t punch someone in the face as I would have done (unless that’s what the protected post says, of course).
And a whole summer off? ::Insert jealousy here:: Enjoy that free time!
Congratulations on this first new step and feeling so much better. I’m delighted for you. Best wishes.
kyla i am so excited for you to have the summer off and i’m so glad you left what sounds like a horrible situation. no one should have to be humiliated daily and feel like that. i hope your summer is amazing and you do everything you want to! :)
Oh hurrah! I love that you say “I’m a quitter” with such pride – go you chicka! I think you’ve made a wonderful decision, life is made for good times, not for suffering people who are horrid. You are brilliant, and wonderful and deserve so much more! I hope the summer mends and repairs all that the job you’ve just left/going to leave has broken. :)
we love you kyla! keep your chin up, you’d be surprised at how easy it can be to live on one income. j and i do it in new york right now, and we’ll be doing it for a while in wisconsin, only i’ll be making the money. so overall it’s a joint effort, but happiness is key. you deserve so much better!
That’s so wonderful! I’m a big believer in the idea that life is far too short to spend 40+ hours a week doing something (or being somewhere) that makes you miserable.
My first job out of college taught me that lesson. I would leave my apartment and think, “Hmm, maybe I’ll get lucky and fall down the stairs today. That would be awesome, if I broke my leg I probably wouldn’t have to work all week. OR maybe I’ll get hit by a car. Hmm. how can I get hit by a car and not die, but be hurt enough that my boss won’t berate me for being out of the office?” Needless to say I quit, and I am in love with my current job. The quality of my life is much improved as I no longer fantasize about harm befalling my body.
And now that I’ve made this all about me, I’ll be on my way.
I am so happy for you and so proud of you!!!! Enjoy your summer off and I can’t wait to hear about all your adventures! btw, I am super jealous.
Happy Canada Day to you! You are absolutely NOT a quitter. You left a job that was awful and verbally abusive. That’s not quitting, that’s sanity.
Kyla, you are seriously one of my favourite people on earth, and I wouldn’t want you to be unhappy at all. At all, at all. I’m so proud of you that you had the guts to stand up to her and tell her that you were leaving, and then… actually leave! You deserve the best summer ever. More Awmb-Kyla days!
I feel the same way about my work sometimes. However, as a teacher, I get the summer off anyway (yay!) But this year has been INSANE. Like you, this time last year I was still planning a big move And my wedding And I started a new job where I turned out to hate most of the people I work with. I am really ready to have a new slate, and I hope that the same works out for you!!
Also hook me up with that password if you don’t mind :)
Kyla you are NOT a quitter, you totally made the right decision. You deserve so much better, no one has the right to make you feel inadequate.
Going through something similar myself, I would kill to have my Mister work out something similar with me.
I hope you have an awesome summer where you can relax and enjoy things and get a fresh perspective on things!
I’m so happy you’ve decided to do that. I’ve done this in December, quit a job that was changing me, that I hated, that was depressing and really, what was the point?
If you know you’re better than the job you’re stuck at, move on up, leave them, and find yourself. I hope you find that this summer :)
Yay! I’m so happy and excited for you. Way to take control of your own destiny. I hope your Summer is as beautiful as you are.
Damn I missed your last post! I’m so glad you had the courage to get yourself out of that situation and sticking up for yourself and recognizing that you don’t deserve to be humiliated and treated like that. That takes guts, I am really damn proud and happy you did that. What was their reaction to your quitting? I’m so fucking fed up of work bullies! Why is it that people with narcissistic personality disorders and sociopaths always end up in upper or middle management positions?
You are so brave.
I’m very glad you’re getting out of there, it sounds horrible! x
Lady, I am jealous!
Okay, but this isn’t about me – it’s about YOU! And YOU are a rockstar in every way. You are doing what’s right for yourself without being over-analytical about the consequences. Worrying consumes SO much of our effort (Hi, I’m Ashley and I worry too much.) – so I’m delighted for you. Way to say no to worry! Hehe.
Hooray! I’m so proud of you, Kyla. It takes a lot to work up the nerve to leave a terrible work place. Like you said, with your time off you’ll be able to figure out what you want (and take a well deserved break).
That picture is gorgeous, by the way. GORGEOUS.
I think you’re a lot like me when it comes to working, I need a workplace to be rewarding and to not dread going to it every day. Otherwise, it sucks all the energy and life from me and I cry a lot. You will find something better, doll. You’ll find somewhere that deserves your talents.
Oh boy. I had no idea this was going on, dear Kyla. I’m sorry to hear your “dream job” turned into a nightmare. But I am so happy that you think enough of yourself to get the hell out of there. Enjoy the summer. Looking forward to many more posts from you! xo
Yay, good for you for taking the right step and getting away from the evil boss. Have a great summer off ( you deserve it!) and I can’t wait for all the fun posts/gorg pictures to follow.
I’m sorry your job turned out like this, but i’m really happy to hear that you’re moving on. Getting out of there. You deserve better! Enjoy your summer sans work. I bet it’ll be lovely!!
CONGRATULATIONS. it is HARD to leave without wanting to just continue to keep proving yourself, especially when YOU know you can do the job… but this is so definitely for the better. enjoy your summer, i’m jealous! :-)
Congratulations! I am so happy for you, lady! Enjoy your summer :)
That’s a very bizarre work situation! Although maybe it’s more common than I thought.
In any case, good for you missy! It sounds like you’ve earned a vacation a hundred times!
Darling let’s revel in the quitting and rejoice in it! I am available for slurpees and a walk anytime…
xo
You remember the big posters that you see everywhere around these days? (At least here in CA…)
“Sometimes it’s good to be a quitter” – and I think in your situation it was definitely your BEST decision. Nobody should treat you this way, even if you’re new to a company or if someone is your superior.
I’m really proud of you… I can’t imagine being in an environment like that day after day. I think it’s fabulous that you have taken steps to make yourself happier.
I hope you find a job that’s wonderful and positive. You deserve it.
Kyla, I’m proud of you. You are definitely doing the right thing here. You’re awesome and all that matters is if you are happy <3
Oh girl, good for you! I’ve stayed at more abusive jobs than I’d care to admit due to my ridiculous determination to “succeed.”
It’s good to have a reminder that sometimes the most successful thing you can do, is quit.
I’m so looking forward to having the summer off vicariously through you! Congratulations!
I hope a break does you good *big hug*
you will prove them wrong
we who know you and read you blog
all know how hard it is and how brave
and intelligent you’re
I hope things pick up for you
and I hope you have a lovely summer
I featured your blog in my latest blog entry: http://moderndaybonnieandclyde.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-poem-old-poem-few-things-borrowed.html
because I admire you and your blog
xoxo
I’m so happy that you are able to take the summer to regroup and reflect. I think we’ve all had those jobs that just do not go the way we planned or had hoped. Mine was a pool manager position when I was like 18. I took the time after that to figure out what was wrong with the job (horrible unsupportive higher management, unrealistic expectations) and what I could have done differently. That way I can at least take a crappy time and make it into something somewhat positive. For you, maybe this will just help you so much more in the future because you know what your priorities in life are. You want to work hard, but you also want to be respected and be in a job you love.
Have a wonderful summer! I’m so happy for you because I’m sure this is a huge relief.
It looks like you are doing the right thing for you. Congratulations!
That’s so wonderful that you have the ability to take the summer off to relax and work on other things! What a lucky girl! As someone who is also in a…less than desirable work situation (no HR here either!)….do you think I could get the password for your other post?
Oh Kyla, I’m sorry things didn’t work out–but that’s ridiculous that your former employer acted that way. Talk about no respect! Jeez! I’m happy for you and I hope you can find what you are looking for and enjoy the rest of the summer—and your honeymoon!!! :) Please email so I can read your protected post….::hugs::
This is what my mom would do if she hadn’t 2 daughters, one who’s going to 6th grade in a private school and another one who’s going to Engineering School in France (with a scholarship, but still…) next year.
Congrats on your new life Kyla! I’m super, super jealous of you! That is absolutely amazing! SOooo proud of you for following your heart and not staying in that hell-hole. Seriously, that place SO did not deserve you. (I read the password protected post and just didn’t have time to comment there yet) Ugh. I can’t believe the harassment that was going on there. Super scary stuff. Can’t wait to hear about all of your summer adventures! Congrats again! I’m very happy for you!
Congratulations on your decision! This doesn’t make you a quitter, it makes you realistic about your life and your future. You made a well-thought out decision and did it the right way, with planning and support.
You’re a GROWD-UP!
I think it’s great that you posted about it, because it’s a great way to get your feelings out there. I don’t think that you should think of yourself as a quitter, I think that the work environment wasn’t for you and you’re going to move on to bigger and better things. Who wants to stay in a place where you get little to know recognition. Good for you and I hope you had a fabulous Canada Day!
You are not a quitter.
You are fabulous. Lovely. Intelligent (more intelligent than most of us are since you are following your heart, and above all, your health). Street smart. Passionate. Hilarious. Adorable.
In short? I love you!
I’ve read your blog in its various incarnations for a while now and have always been inspired by your photos, your projects, and your words.
I’m so sorry that your work situation was miserable – I had a similar job (with the silent “you’re so stupid” being flung at my head all the time) and when it was finally over, I felt free. I hope you do too – that you can relax and take a deep breath and be at ease again.
Congratulations lady! I love you! This summer is going to be awesome for you.
Yay! The situation you described above was EXACTLY me before I was laid off three weeks ago. I was constantly in tears, constantly stressed and constantly overloaded. Looking back, I realize no job or corporate ladder or amount of money is worth that. I’m now enjoying my summer and my stress-free life. I know you’re going to love it!
Okay, I know I’m a little late to this, but OMG YES. I’m so, so, SO proud of you for this. Making this kind of decision is never easy, but recognizing that you’re AMAZING and deserve AMAZING THINGS is key.
Much love lady.
Glad to hear you got out of a bad work situation and you get some downtime to recover. Work problems leak into everything. And I don’t think getting out is being a quitter. It’s self-preservation. Your physical and mental health are way too important to waste time in a damaging job. Good for you for getting out!
Yay for you! Enjoy your time off!
I’m sorry I didn’t keep up sooner, but I want to say that you’re anything but a quitter. I think you’re doing what’s right by you, and that takes a lot of courage. Wishing you a fantastic summer, sweetie!
YAY! GOOD! Kyla, I am finally delurking here to say that I am so very proud of you. You deserve a summer off. Have fun, and if you have a free afternoon you should make your way over to my neck of the woods. I’m bedridden but still pretty spirited! Love Kate
Hi Kyla! I’m so happy to have found that you are blogging again. I used to read your old blog all the time and when you started that new job and stopped blogging, I missed you and hoped that I could find you again sometime. I saw that you commented on my friend The Maiden Metallurgist’s site and linked over to you from there. Hooray! I’m going through some not awesome work environment situations myself right now…yuck. Glad I found you again and cheers to the best summer ever!
aw, definitely not a failure at all, chica! that’s worth celebrating! enjoy your time off and your sanity. rebuild. rejuvinate. and kick butt. :)
oh my, i have so many words for you. but mostly… you are my hero.
I am so happy you did what was best for you. I am in a position of really really hating my lame job right now. I am so over nannying I can take it. but I cant afford to not work, and I promised I would stay till the end of summer. I need a little strength right now, but when the time comes, I shall quit. And it will be good for me.
Quitting can be the best thing for you. And I glad you did it!
Hey! I just recently started reading your blog (which I loved right away, by the way. You’re incredibly inspirational!)
I was just curious though, what part of the entertainment industry did you work in? What did you do? I’m only curious because I’ve been looking into it myself and was wondering why you had such terrible experiences with it!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Quotes from St.Alban’s =-.
{ 1 trackback }