I have to apologize, I’ve been light on stories for you lately and since I’m pretty sure that’s what blogging is about, I’m sorry. I’ve been in a challenging work environment for the past four months and my day to day my mantra has finally become “just get through it”. Unfortunately “getting through” has meant choking back on my emotions, which isn’t in my nature and has seemed to left me permanently short of breath, without the energy to write and a little afraid of what will happen if I look closer at my situation with some honesty.
So since I’ve been holding back, this is the story of the past four months:
Last year I worked a comfy job where I had nothing to do for 6 months of the year. I pleaded with my work to change the position to part time and when they declined, I took a job where I would have an incredibly challenging workload and would be succeeding into a management position immediately. I start working, a month passes and things change. People who were supposed to leave, stay, and so the adventure begins.
The building is beautiful, the work is interesting, but the atmosphere is edgy. I wonder why, everyone is so nice. My co-workers give me vague warnings and ask me how I am. I wonder why, everyone is so nice! And then it starts to happen. No matter what I do, no matter how precisely I work or how ahead of deadline I am, or how specifically I address everyone’s concerns, everything I complete is returned to me with revisions and a little note that implies I’m stupid.
Extremely stupid. Careless. Incompetent. Information is withheld from me in an effort to test me. I’m repeatedly asked questions about why I can’t stop making mistakes, and what specifically is my weakest point in my opinion, by an amused manager who smiles at me like I’m a child being asked to speak in front of adults for the first time.
Know that I can’t possibly explain it fully, and that if you want the password for protected posts and a little more context, just comment, but know that I examined all avenues I could and none did anything. Oh to dream of a workplace with an HR department! So suffice it to say that the past few months have been hard.
I can take a challenge here and there, and I can work with strong personalities, but after a number of months of it being both implied and stated every day that I’m useless and stupid, I stopped being proud of pushing through what others hadn’t been able to push through. I stopped wanting to answer questions that are intended to humiliate me instead of help me be better. I stopped wanting to hand in work. I stopped caring about why everyone supported this person and saw that there was nothing I could do or say that would change the situation.
So who am I?
I’m a quitter.
After long talks with Mister and my family, we’ve decided to air lift me out of this situation. And I’m not just leaving, we’ve worked our budgets so I can take the summer off! I can’t express to you how happy this makes me, I worked full time in the summers during high school, full time during my year off school, full time during my equally full time university studies, and full time through to now. I would characterize half of these workplaces as equally abusive, and all have been in the entertainment industry – an industry I’m not willing to work in any more. Mister and I are in a strong financial place, but I’m falling to pieces.
So after a lot of discussion, I’m taking the summer off…and Happy Canada Day, today is Day One!!
I will have so much more for you in the coming weeks, I know I will finally be able to write again and I have so many projects to work on. We’re going to be living on the skint and working hard to see how long we can live as a one income family – and we’re excited to look at what that means for how work will look in the future for both of us.
It’s taken a while for me to not see this as a failure but as an act of liberation, where I can re-examine my priorities in life and work and take some time for me, but I’m there now and I couldn’t be more grateful. It’s been an insane year- this time a year ago I was still planning our wedding and prepping to move into our little house on the prairie.
I’m so glad we have the time to let me pick up the pieces of my heart after this cap to a series of wild experiences, and to figure things out, and I can’t wait to see what happens.
Thank you so much for your support! You all break my heart!
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You are so brave.
I’m very glad you’re getting out of there, it sounds horrible! x
Lady, I am jealous!
Okay, but this isn’t about me – it’s about YOU! And YOU are a rockstar in every way. You are doing what’s right for yourself without being over-analytical about the consequences. Worrying consumes SO much of our effort (Hi, I’m Ashley and I worry too much.) – so I’m delighted for you. Way to say no to worry! Hehe.
Hooray! I’m so proud of you, Kyla. It takes a lot to work up the nerve to leave a terrible work place. Like you said, with your time off you’ll be able to figure out what you want (and take a well deserved break).
That picture is gorgeous, by the way. GORGEOUS.
I think you’re a lot like me when it comes to working, I need a workplace to be rewarding and to not dread going to it every day. Otherwise, it sucks all the energy and life from me and I cry a lot. You will find something better, doll. You’ll find somewhere that deserves your talents.
Oh boy. I had no idea this was going on, dear Kyla. I’m sorry to hear your “dream job” turned into a nightmare. But I am so happy that you think enough of yourself to get the hell out of there. Enjoy the summer. Looking forward to many more posts from you! xo
Yay, good for you for taking the right step and getting away from the evil boss. Have a great summer off ( you deserve it!) and I can’t wait for all the fun posts/gorg pictures to follow.
I’m sorry your job turned out like this, but i’m really happy to hear that you’re moving on. Getting out of there. You deserve better! Enjoy your summer sans work. I bet it’ll be lovely!!
CONGRATULATIONS. it is HARD to leave without wanting to just continue to keep proving yourself, especially when YOU know you can do the job… but this is so definitely for the better. enjoy your summer, i’m jealous! :-)
Congratulations! I am so happy for you, lady! Enjoy your summer :)
That’s a very bizarre work situation! Although maybe it’s more common than I thought.
In any case, good for you missy! It sounds like you’ve earned a vacation a hundred times!
Darling let’s revel in the quitting and rejoice in it! I am available for slurpees and a walk anytime…
xo
You remember the big posters that you see everywhere around these days? (At least here in CA…)
“Sometimes it’s good to be a quitter” – and I think in your situation it was definitely your BEST decision. Nobody should treat you this way, even if you’re new to a company or if someone is your superior.
I’m really proud of you… I can’t imagine being in an environment like that day after day. I think it’s fabulous that you have taken steps to make yourself happier.
I hope you find a job that’s wonderful and positive. You deserve it.
Kyla, I’m proud of you. You are definitely doing the right thing here. You’re awesome and all that matters is if you are happy <3
Oh girl, good for you! I’ve stayed at more abusive jobs than I’d care to admit due to my ridiculous determination to “succeed.”
It’s good to have a reminder that sometimes the most successful thing you can do, is quit.
I’m so looking forward to having the summer off vicariously through you! Congratulations!
I hope a break does you good *big hug*
you will prove them wrong
we who know you and read you blog
all know how hard it is and how brave
and intelligent you’re
I hope things pick up for you
and I hope you have a lovely summer
I featured your blog in my latest blog entry: http://moderndaybonnieandclyde.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-poem-old-poem-few-things-borrowed.html
because I admire you and your blog
xoxo
I’m so happy that you are able to take the summer to regroup and reflect. I think we’ve all had those jobs that just do not go the way we planned or had hoped. Mine was a pool manager position when I was like 18. I took the time after that to figure out what was wrong with the job (horrible unsupportive higher management, unrealistic expectations) and what I could have done differently. That way I can at least take a crappy time and make it into something somewhat positive. For you, maybe this will just help you so much more in the future because you know what your priorities in life are. You want to work hard, but you also want to be respected and be in a job you love.
Have a wonderful summer! I’m so happy for you because I’m sure this is a huge relief.
It looks like you are doing the right thing for you. Congratulations!
That’s so wonderful that you have the ability to take the summer off to relax and work on other things! What a lucky girl! As someone who is also in a…less than desirable work situation (no HR here either!)….do you think I could get the password for your other post?
Oh Kyla, I’m sorry things didn’t work out–but that’s ridiculous that your former employer acted that way. Talk about no respect! Jeez! I’m happy for you and I hope you can find what you are looking for and enjoy the rest of the summer—and your honeymoon!!! :) Please email so I can read your protected post….::hugs::
This is what my mom would do if she hadn’t 2 daughters, one who’s going to 6th grade in a private school and another one who’s going to Engineering School in France (with a scholarship, but still…) next year.
Congrats on your new life Kyla! I’m super, super jealous of you! That is absolutely amazing! SOooo proud of you for following your heart and not staying in that hell-hole. Seriously, that place SO did not deserve you. (I read the password protected post and just didn’t have time to comment there yet) Ugh. I can’t believe the harassment that was going on there. Super scary stuff. Can’t wait to hear about all of your summer adventures! Congrats again! I’m very happy for you!
Congratulations on your decision! This doesn’t make you a quitter, it makes you realistic about your life and your future. You made a well-thought out decision and did it the right way, with planning and support.
You’re a GROWD-UP!
I think it’s great that you posted about it, because it’s a great way to get your feelings out there. I don’t think that you should think of yourself as a quitter, I think that the work environment wasn’t for you and you’re going to move on to bigger and better things. Who wants to stay in a place where you get little to know recognition. Good for you and I hope you had a fabulous Canada Day!
You are not a quitter.
You are fabulous. Lovely. Intelligent (more intelligent than most of us are since you are following your heart, and above all, your health). Street smart. Passionate. Hilarious. Adorable.
In short? I love you!
I’ve read your blog in its various incarnations for a while now and have always been inspired by your photos, your projects, and your words.
I’m so sorry that your work situation was miserable – I had a similar job (with the silent “you’re so stupid” being flung at my head all the time) and when it was finally over, I felt free. I hope you do too – that you can relax and take a deep breath and be at ease again.
Congratulations lady! I love you! This summer is going to be awesome for you.
Yay! The situation you described above was EXACTLY me before I was laid off three weeks ago. I was constantly in tears, constantly stressed and constantly overloaded. Looking back, I realize no job or corporate ladder or amount of money is worth that. I’m now enjoying my summer and my stress-free life. I know you’re going to love it!
Okay, I know I’m a little late to this, but OMG YES. I’m so, so, SO proud of you for this. Making this kind of decision is never easy, but recognizing that you’re AMAZING and deserve AMAZING THINGS is key.
Much love lady.
Glad to hear you got out of a bad work situation and you get some downtime to recover. Work problems leak into everything. And I don’t think getting out is being a quitter. It’s self-preservation. Your physical and mental health are way too important to waste time in a damaging job. Good for you for getting out!
Yay for you! Enjoy your time off!
I’m sorry I didn’t keep up sooner, but I want to say that you’re anything but a quitter. I think you’re doing what’s right by you, and that takes a lot of courage. Wishing you a fantastic summer, sweetie!
YAY! GOOD! Kyla, I am finally delurking here to say that I am so very proud of you. You deserve a summer off. Have fun, and if you have a free afternoon you should make your way over to my neck of the woods. I’m bedridden but still pretty spirited! Love Kate
Hi Kyla! I’m so happy to have found that you are blogging again. I used to read your old blog all the time and when you started that new job and stopped blogging, I missed you and hoped that I could find you again sometime. I saw that you commented on my friend The Maiden Metallurgist’s site and linked over to you from there. Hooray! I’m going through some not awesome work environment situations myself right now…yuck. Glad I found you again and cheers to the best summer ever!
aw, definitely not a failure at all, chica! that’s worth celebrating! enjoy your time off and your sanity. rebuild. rejuvinate. and kick butt. :)
oh my, i have so many words for you. but mostly… you are my hero.
I am so happy you did what was best for you. I am in a position of really really hating my lame job right now. I am so over nannying I can take it. but I cant afford to not work, and I promised I would stay till the end of summer. I need a little strength right now, but when the time comes, I shall quit. And it will be good for me.
Quitting can be the best thing for you. And I glad you did it!
Hey! I just recently started reading your blog (which I loved right away, by the way. You’re incredibly inspirational!)
I was just curious though, what part of the entertainment industry did you work in? What did you do? I’m only curious because I’ve been looking into it myself and was wondering why you had such terrible experiences with it!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Quotes from St.Alban’s =-.
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