It’s been a weird and wonderful week, and I can now safely say that we’re through the dress rehearsal and the previews of being unemployed, and I’ve been invited as an honoured guest for Unemployment’s Act One: Freaking the Fuck Out. This week I felt down, behind in everything, disconnected, lonely and restless. When I sat down to read blogs I couldn’t stop thinking about the dishes, and when I would wash the dishes I knew in my heart of hearts I should really be walking the dogs. So instead of taking it in stride and being zen about the whole thing (I’M UNEMPLOYED!!! I’M TOO BUSY FOR YOGA!!!) I started taking on impossible projects. Like washing and pressing all of Mister’s shirts.
Mid-Thursday evening, on my second trip back from the sink to refill the iron so it could “steam more effectively” I turned the corner into the bedroom and paused to take in the scene I had laid out. Clothes were heaped high on the bed according to colour, a half finished glass of red wine sat on the dresser while The Virgin Suicides played dreamily in the background. A movie about teenage isolation and group suicide.
I couldn’t help but think that, objectively, this was all fairly condemning evidence that I might be, you know, going through something. But there’s still lots of ironing to do! Can’t think too much about that, can we?
When I eventually did finish all the ironing and calmed myself down, waiting for me was some good old fashioned mail from three wonderful ladies that lifted my mood immeasurably (thank you girls!!), our city’s big independent theatre festival with all my friends from far away finally pouring back into the city, and an invitation from my wedding photographer to work as her second shooter for three weddings this year. Finally, my pulse started to drop back into a normal rhythm.
Yesterday afternoon I packaged and hand delivered resumes at the most beautiful shops around me, made my best stab at a ‘cool as anything, has never touched an iron in her life’ impression, and bought myself a cupcake for my courage. Sometimes finishing the impossible feels really good- even if it involves The Virgin Suicides and some mid-week red wine.
{image: don’t cry delilah}
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Photographing three weddings?! How exciting! (And rewarding.)
You’re right. Sometimes it does take a few minor glitches to get back into rhythm.
Mid week? Lets talk when we both arrive at midday. And I’m still working. ;-) Good for you, finding the balance. Hope to get there one day. xo lovely girl
You know what? I’m not worried. You’re working it all out. Now, if you said you were stuck in a corner rocking like a baby not knowing what to do next, I’d be worried. But, from the looks of it, you’re just working the freak-out all the way out of your system. Consider the red wine helping with the flow. =)
you’re doing so amazing! i think adjusting to an unemployed life is hard, it’s a huge change! now that you got the freak out over with now, handed out some resumes, are working as a second shooter for a wedding (!!!!!!) and actually DOING things, you’ll start to feel better! i can remember going through the same things though when i was last unemployed… i always felt like i needed to be doing something, cleaning something or running some errand. SO PROUD OF YOU. you’re living the good life my love! xo
That was a really weird movie- I’m inspired to watch it again though after reading this post.
Last summer I went through 5 weeks of voluntary unemployment – I’ll tell you all about it when I see you next – it can be fun and an amazing time of opportunity!
xo
LOL. Aw, Kyla, I laughed out loud when I read that description of your bedroom heaped with clothes!
I think it’s normal to feel restless, I feel the same way when I have downtime or time off. I’m like OMG I need to clean, I need to do this that and the other thing. I honestly think that relaxing is something we really have to work at doing, it doesn’t come as naturally as some people think! Especially coming out of a high-stress environment like you just did!
Sounds like you are handling everything beautifully though!
I think you are handling things beautifully. I have those crazy, must iron everything days fairly regularly, and I’m employed. So, you are definitely not alone. I am home a lot this summer, so if you ever need to chat, just let me know!
I wish I had the “freak out and clean” gene. Instead, I’m moving tomorrow, and thinking about how I’m just going to shove everything into boxes and “worry about it later”. I had the greatest of intentions, I promise.
You’re doing great, lady. Being the second shooter for three weddings is fabulous! And getting your resumes out is a huge step… it’s usually hard to get to that “oh right, I should probably find a job now” step, especially after needing the break as much as you did.
You’ll do great things, I feel it.
Good Lord! You crack me up girl! In my 2 years with the job title of ‘housewife’ I had many a day of trying to conquer the impossible tasks we would never attempt if we didn’t have so much damned free time. There were also many days where I would just sit and drink wine while I read blogs.
You’re much more effective than I am!
During my last bout of unemployment a few years back, I mostly just played videogames for five months.
Go you! Three weddings = awesome! This is such a great opportunity to shape your life in a way you’re happy with. Can’t wait to see how everything works out. I know it will be great.
Cupcake courage! Sounds delicious.
I’m glad to hear that the clouds are parting and you’re finding focus in your summer of starting over!
red wine + cupcakes = the perfect way to work through angst. fact.
Awww, I can so relate to those feelings. Sometimes, I get SO overwhelmed about what I “should” be doing when I have downtime, instead of just enjoying the fact that I have it at all. You are the cutest. I can’t believe you’ve already submitted resumes and such!
Take good care of YOU–you took this break for a reason.
YAY! Glad to hear you got the package! And that things seem to be finding a stride. Come see me sometime in your summer off!
When those moments come, just remember to breathe. Promise everything will be just fine!
And woot for three wedding shoots!! Yay you!
Yay! I’m glad you got your note!
Just wait–things are going to go swimmingly. Things will fall in place, and even if things aren’t perfect, you’ll have this newfound strength to get out of that and make it right.
I can’t wait to see the pictures you take!!
You’re just going through the transition of Unemployment. I went through it — matter of fact, I’m STILL going through it. You’ll get the hang of it, love. :]
Sometimes I think we process things better if we have a minor freak out – you get all the emotions out and are able to look back and understand. :)
Still, I’m impressed that you ironed ALL of Misters shirts! I’m not a fan of ironing, so your feat sounds EXTRA amazing! :)
Cupcakes and a glass of red wine can go a long, long way towards courage… and comfort. :-)
I’ve never seen The Virgin Suicides, but I have the album. I love Air, and they did the whole soundtrack. Hang in there! I’m pulling for you from my end. :)
I’m glad the funk was shortlived. Cupcakes are amazing for cheering up oneself. Great pastry (is it truly a “pastry”? hm…) choice.
great post – love your writing and a perfect image to match. wouldn’t it be great if people came knocking at the door ddying to get a hold of your talent? alas, all we can do is pick ourselves up, pull ourselves together and deliver ourselves to them until we get an acceptance. Amazing things will happen for you. x
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