As some of you know, the beautiful and lovely Belle Renee is getting married very shortly and so, rallied by Erin, I’m part of a virtual bridal shower for her where we post about love and marriage in honour of Renee. I will be less sappy next week and promise to stop so incessantly recapping the past year, but for now please look out for the estrogen. It’s kinda everywhere.
Dear Renee,
I come from a family with no marriages in tact. While we’re knee deep in love, I never imagined I would be the marrying sort. I would live alone, be strong and fiercely sarcastic, and I would be fine alone. I leased my own big, beautiful apartment and was ready to start that life – and I think I probably would have been living it now if I hadn’t met Mister.
Over three and a half years of dating and living together I started to (quietly) soften my position on marriage, and started to think that maybe what I had seen in my parent’s relationships might be a more practical road map for relationships. I had sat through detailed observations of what not to do for many years, that would be useful! And as Mister and I started talking about getting married I realized there was no other relationship I could watch that would help me figure out what I had with him. It was uniquely us. We would just figure it out as we went.
I posted a lot last year about how marriage wasn’t going to change our relationship, I was sure it wouldn’t. That it couldn’t. Our wedding was a party for our friends in honour of our relationship, and our marriage was just a different name for what we already knew in our hearts.
And then, of course, our marriage started to change us. I really can’t explain how it happened, or what happened exactly – but this excerpt from our wedding ceremony kind of spells it all out:
Because you will be safe in marriage, you can risk; because you have been promised a future, you can take extraordinary chances. Because you know you are loved, you can step beyond your fears; because you have been chosen, you can transcend your insecurities. You can make mistakes, knowing the other will be there to catch you. And because mistakes and risks are the very essence of change, of expansion, in marriage you will expand to your fullest capacity. Within the shelter of marriage, you will continue to grow and develop, so you can discover your individual paths and offer your gifts back to each other and the world. Marriage, then, makes you free-to see, to be seen, to love.
For many months Mister and I would look at each other and say, incredulously “We’re married!” and while we don’t do it quite so often now, it still comes into my mind once a week or so. I am still that independent, sarcastic girl who was ready to move out on her own when she was barely nineteen, who could watch Charlie Chaplin movies for days and doesn’t hesitate to get dirty, or try new things, or to speak candidly to the people she cares about instead of holding her tongue. I’m still that girl who is a little suspicious of marriage, who is concerned about being on a path that is unfamiliar to her, that comes without any landmarks she recognizes, but knows that she’s on the right path, and she has an incredible partner.
So really, the difference between me one year ago and my today is simple: I know how full my heart can be, and there is less fear in me than ever before.
Congratulations on being so close to everything you’ve been planning. Know that no matter what happens it will be perfect, stay close to your young husband so you have lots of moments to remember together, and have fun. Oh, and if you’re a scrapbooker, steal a napkin or two from your venue. It’s totally worthwhile.
Thinking about you and wishing you all the love in the world,
Kyla
{image: extra medium}
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Such a wonderfully written and beautiful post, Kyla! It made me cry. As one of those fiercely independent, sarcastic girls who is suspicious of marriage the words that were read at your ceremony are simply beautiful and make so much sense.
This was beautiful. The words read at your ceremony are breathtaking and perfect.
So so very sweet! Congrats to Renee!
this was so beautiful and so perfect and AW.
This is real beautiful, Kyla. I remember thinking that my marriage wouldn’t change me, and this is the perfect description of how it has!
So beautiful, Kyla! Marriage definitely changes a relationship, even when we’re so certain it won’t. Your letter captures it so well.
And, well, now I’m crying at my desk! And now I want to run out and get married =)
Awwww. I love that passage! I think we may use it too!
And I love, love, love, these virtual showers. Yay Renee!
This was beautiful… and I can totally relate to parts of it! For what seemed like ever the Hubs would turn to me and say “I can’t believe we’re married!!” with a big goofy grin.
I hope you and Mister have a very happy and long marriage… sounds like you’re off to a good start. :)
The virtual bridal shower is a great idea.
Your views on marriage are so incredible. I know you have gotten some slack in the past about how young you were when you got married, but your views are so mature and just so right. Your marriage is all about you and Jesse and none of those other relationships outside of it can ever touch that.
Kyla, this absolutely moved me. That excerpt from your ceremony was overwhelmingly amazing. I hope to incorporate that somehow in my life one day – even if I just keep it in my heart. It’s so obvious you’re continually expanding and growing, and I’m so glad that your love and your life with Mister is so real and sincere. You’re an amazing pair, and I love you SO much :)
I’ve always wondered if marriage will “change” the relationship, if things will feel different….that was a really, beautiful, insightful post :) Now I’m looking forward to be married EVEN MORE! (if that was even possible??)
Kyla, stop making me cry, pleeeaaaase. You are a beautiful soul and everything you wrote really resonated with me. Also rabidly sarcastic and independent, a part of me feels like I am giving up that side of me. I need to realize that I’m not giving it up, I’m cultivating it with a supportive, handsome partner. I love you, Kyla, thank you SO much for your kind words.
This is so sweet. What a lovely post.
umm, that was beautiful!
That’s lovely x
I’ve always been like you, thinking that the proper time to get married would be when it doesn’t matter anymore whether you’re married or not, that your relationship is that solid. Perhaps, someday, I’ll be able to find out for myself what you have learned, and said so beautifully.
I absolutely love this post. Oh, Kyla, you inspire me.
that exert, my dear, is BEAUTIFUL. thank you.
i have also thought i am not the marrying type. and.. i still think so with that little consideration in the back of my mind that “maybe someday…”
for so long, marriage has meant to me the EXACT opposite of the exert. of feeling trapped, etc. thank you for explaining so well how beautiful and self-affirming it can ACTUALLY be!
A virtual bridal shower is the sweetest idea.
Did you guys write that excerpt from your ceremony? I really love it.
Kyla, your website is such a gem.
This is beautiful, Kyla :) I’m definitely a “maybe someday” girl for now :)
Oh, that’s so sweet :)
That excerpt from your ceremony brought tears to my eyes, and made me glow with happiness. I kind of wish my husband was here right now just so I could hug him!
This post is just beautiful, Kyla – thank you so much for sharing this! It’s amazing how much something can change your life. And change isn’t so scary after all, is it?
Love this, love you!
That was beautiful. And now I am crying. In fairness I’ve been crying off and on all day due to my lady hormones. Too much information? Sorry about that. Anywho, gorgeous post as always.
oh this made my heart really happy. i am so bitter thinking about marriage, for myself at least. the one relationship i have had in 3 years, which only lasted 3 months, really tore my heart up. i hope i can keep a little faith that perhaps if it is ever meant for me, that marriage can be good and can work, can go beyond work, can be beautiful.
I love that excerpt from your ceremony, Kyla. Very beautiful.
I am a very independent single girl and am suspicious of marriage and relationships. I found the love of my life in December of 2001. I didn’t think he liked me so I never said anything to him. We became great friends and our conversations were always very flirty but it was a big joke or at least we thought it was. I finally made it known to him (with candy conversation hearts) 4 years later that I was in love with him. Only to find out he had been in love with me for the past 4 years as well. We dated and discussed marriage and then he got very sick and had to move back home. He had cancer and after I didn’t hear from him for months I thought he had died. It turned out he was just in the hospital. He is better now but still having health problems. We may never get to be together. I really hope someday I can have all of this wedded bliss. I’ve tried to date but it never works out. This gives me hope though, maybe I will find the right guy or the one I love will finally get better and we can start our life together.
i NEED to scrapbook this….those words are simply perfect and so real.
thank you sooo much for sharing.
i can’t get enough of your posts!
<3
.-= shaina´s last blog .. =-.
{ 1 trackback }