Crack the Shutters

There is a scene in The Royal Tenenbaums that really resonates with something in me. In case you haven’t memorized this movie like I have, I’ll set the scene. Eli, the neighbour’s child now grown up and in a terrible mess of drugs and pseudo-fame turns to Royal, the estranged head of the Tenenbaum family, and they have the following exchange:

Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum. Royal: Me too, me too.

It reminds me that no matter how much you’re part of something from the outside, it’s where your heart is, and the actions that you take that really determine how you feel.

A couple weeks ago I posted about sometimes feeling outside of the blogging community because so many people live close to their blogging friends (inside my head!). I had been thinking back on on my time in Las Vegas with some of the girls from 20SB and on how good it was to meet people who were in the same place I’m in- and between that, not working, and having two close friends move away in a 4 month span, I felt lonely.

And then a ton of comments from people echoing my sentiment about feeling left out started rolling in, and I largely didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say “But you guys ARE the community” but I didn’t know what that meant for my feelings and couldn’t quite find the words. At the same time an informal “How can we improve 20SB to be more inclusive?” discussion started on Twitter, and in the past week there’s been talk about how Blog Her was cliquey, how the people who went to Vegas are cliquey, and how life is cliquey. With everything piling one on top of the other, it’s given me a lot to think about.

Above everything else, my first reaction keeps coming back to me- how can we feel left out or excluded from the blogging community if we are the community? Blogging is, by its nature, a solo sport and while you connect with amazing people who are countries or cities away, we are all in the same boat- in front of our computers, between cups of coffee, job interviews, classes, and moments in our lives. So of course sometimes it’s hard to feel like you’re in a community when the community is so disparate.

But in spite of all that, there are lots of times that I do feel really connected to the community. I’ve been thinking about when those times are, and I’ve decided that as someone who loves blogging and the people it brings me in touch with, part of being in that community means fostering it, and making the leap to trying to make other people feel connected too. And it doesn’t mean hours in front of the computer, I think it just means a moment here or there.

I’ve started sending out quick one e-mail a day just expressing why I enjoy someone’s blog or following up on how some aspect of someone’s life is going. Every now and then I go to the blog of someone I really love reading and glance over the blogs of everyone who commented on their last post, and branch out my reading a little when I can manage it. I’m sending thank you/here’s a link notes the amazing photographers whose work I use. I’m meeting up with hilarious local bloggers (THEY EXIST!) and remembering that in looking for good people your backyard is a good place to check in with. I’m going to stop into 20SB every few days and say hi.

It’s not perfect, it doesn’t happen all the time and it doesn’t work all the time, but sending one short & sweet e-mail a day really agrees with me so I’m sticking with it. Because being part of any community is about my actions, and kindness seems like a good place to start.

When do you feel the most included, and when was the last time you made an effort to make someone else feel that way? What was the last community minded action you took? Do you think community is more complicated than I’m making it out to be?

I’d love to hear your thoughts- comment here or e-mail me at kylaroma[at]gmail.com!

{image: sarah hermans}