Nots

I’m not as shy as I used to be. I don’t lock up in a group of people like I have in the past – conversation is easier to make and I find it easier to blend, or stand out as I like. I’m not as concerned about what other people think of me. I don’t buy into other people as quickly as I used to – I’m interested in your story, but I’m also interested in why you’re telling it, and in what parts you’re leaving out. I don’t worry about my clothes, I love putting together a really great outfit and then tuning out to other people’s reactions. I’m no longer confused by people who say they dress for themselves. I’m not going to look great everyday, either.

I’m still not very public. I try to help my friends – online and offline – as much as I can, sometimes to the point that I forget I need my energy too, but even when I need help I’m not someone who speaks up about it easily. I don’t want to ask things of other people or take them away from what they’re doing. I won’t be dissuaded from doing black flips for interested parties who are well intentioned, I’m so relieved to find those people I can’t help myself. I’m not thick skinned but I’m not easily offended, I just won’t ignore the bad or careless behavior of others, especially when it’s aimed at other people.

I’m not able to work properly when there’s music on, I get too drawn in. I am not going to be an omnivore ever again, but I’m not sure how to feel about my beautiful new – and very animal un-friendly – mukluks. I’m not going to ever try to talk Mister into being vegetarian, just on principal. I’m not bilingual. I’m not going to listen to the terrified cries of my hairdresser when she pleads with me to stop cutting my own bangs between cuts (I own scissors! It’s cold out!). I’m not sure when I was in a night club last – I think it was five years ago. I’m not doing anything to change that. I’m not against ordering a pint of beer when I’m out for a drink – or a glass of red wine. But I’m not someone who drinks merlot. I’m not completely clear on how French wine regions work.

I’m not against marking all of my google reader as read when the alternative is martyrdom. I’m not big on TV – I PVR Fringe, The Tudors, and The Dog Whisperer, and could pretty much take or leave the rest of it. I’m not adverse to celebrity magazines, but my heart is really with the stack of French Vogue and RUSSH that my sister has lent to me. I’m not as into scrapbooking as I would like to be. I’m not knitting as prolifically as I wish I could be. I’m not sure what to do about my little arms that get so painful from over use. I’m not sure what the coffee at my work tastes like, I’m not brave enough to risk myself to tell that tale. I’m not in charge of cooking for our house because I burn our dinner now and then.

I’m not as nostalgic as I was in university, but I day dream more than I ever have.

I’m not someone who believes that the key to a good relationship is doing everything together and having all of the same interests. I’m not sure that I would be the remotely same person I am now if I hadn’t met Mister and in the same breath, I’m not giving up any part of me to be in this relationship, and that makes me deeply satisfied. I’m not an expert on co-habitation, but I’ve never lived completely alone, and I kind of wish I had, at least for a little while. I’m not living with extravagance, but have chosen to do this simply and within our means and something about that feels like a really wonderful secret.

Thank you to Brookem for the amazing idea for this post – it was harder than I thought it would be! Hope you enjoyed!

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There are 31 responses already, join in!
  1. I love this post! As you said, I’m interested in your story, but I’m also interested in why you’re telling it, and in what parts you’re leaving out. Well, how can you know who you are unless you also know who you’re not!? Thank you for your insights! I feel I know you *this* much better!

  2. Yep, this was even more insight into your personality than if you had sat down with the intention of telling us just who you ARE. It was wonderful to read, especially during a week where I seem to have no interest in writing a darn thing.

    (and try grip strength exercises for knitting. The stronger your hands are the less strain goes on your joints!)

  3. aw, im so glad you did this post.
    like you said, it’s interesting to hear what people leave out of their story. so while it’s just as important to hear what people ARE, i think it’s just as special and unique to hear what they are NOT.

  4. you are one amazing girl. this was so amazingly written. i loved the part about bending over backwards for well intentioned people… it’s hard to find people like that now, so i’m pretty much the same way. i really loved reading this, i feel like i know you so much better. :)

  5. This was a fantastic post idea.

    You sound so…content with where you are and who you are. That’s refreshing.

  6. That picture of you is beautiful

  7. Beautiful Kyla, this is an amazing post. I might have to steal this idea, too.

  8. liz

    “…I’m not giving up any part of me to be in this relationship, and that makes me deeply satisfied.”

    I completely agree. It seems as though many of my friends lose themselves in their relationships and that makes me so sad to see. I mean it works for some, but bring your own person I believe is most important.

  9. this is an amazing post…thanks so much for sharing!

  10. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing!

  11. This is a really cool exercise, I’ll have to try it sometime. It seems so much easier to nail down what you are when you know what you’re not…

    One thing you ARE though, is awesome. ;)

  12. Gosh, I’m so darn inspired by you. Your blog gets better and better every day.

  13. I’m glad you’re bending over backwards to help those in need. :) Thanks for your help today. I fixed it!

    Oddly enough, I’m not sure if I know what I’m ‘not’.

  14. I loveee this post.

    I daydream ALL the time too, haha.

  15. This must have been a pretty intense writing exercise. Props to you! I think this would be such a hard topic–I’ll have to see if I can muster something up someday. You sound so comfortable with who you are and with who you are in your relationship–and that is so fabulous to read.

  16. I love this idea.

    I’m not able to work without music! :)

  17. I love everything about this post. The idea, your input, your story, everything. I can’t wait till semester is over so I’ll have time to write good blog posts again. This one will definitely be one the first real blog post I write. I’ll let you know when it’s up.

  18. This is a really great post. I loved the moment when I got to a certain age where I was finally done trying to be someone I wasn’t and accepted there were certain things I just was never going to be. I’ll have to see what things I can come up with

  19. totally heart this post. <3

  20. I too like knowing you better through this post. I tried to post some negatives too, but it was harder than I thought.

  21. This was a fabulous post. I love this idea, and your writing was beautiful.

    I think my favorite not though was definitely “I’m not going to listen to the terrified cries of my hairdresser when she pleads with me to stop cutting my own bangs between cuts.” It made my laugh.

  22. You write so beautifully.
    I shall try my hand at this since I’m kind of stuck for blogs lately.
    Thanks for being candid. It’s truly refreshing.
    Hugs,
    Nora

  23. Great post. I will keep the theme in mind for less hectic days. I am so swamped at work, yet can’t take my eyes off my reader. Oy!

  24. [...] Thanks to Brookem and Kyla for this [...]

  25. I really loved this. It’s beautifully written; thanks for sharing!

  26. Can i just say how much i love this post!!

    and that photo, dang girl. you’re gorgeous!!

  27. This is such a great post. Aaaaand you look amazing in that photo, by the way. You should add to your list, “I can not take a bad photo. Amen.”

    :)

  28. This was very inspiration for me. People are so often trying to define who they “are” with positive space rather than looking at the negative space as well (art ref).

    http://carolution.blogspot.com/2010/03/nots.html

    Thanks :)
    .-= Carolina´s last blog ..Inspiration via White, Rosé and Red =-.

  29. [...] big thanks to Kyla Roma and Skrinkering Hearts for the inspiration} Bookmark It Hide Sites [...]

  30. [...] to a few lovely ladies for the inspiration. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Putting my house in [...]

  31. [...] to the notion that maybe, I am still a big kid at heart. Inspired by a post at Shrinking Hearts via Kyla Roma , Justatitch and FatMumSlim. { leave me a comment } [...]

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