One month today until we’re married.
I’m processing a lot, thinking a lot about what all of this means – and so early in my life – but mostly I’m giddy and excited. Bachelorette talk has started, the bridesmaid dresses are in, and suddenly this feels like a wedding.
One month until 3 ½ years means husband and wife.
I had panic attacks on a daily basis when we started dating. He was too good, too sweet, too attentive. I couldn’t handle him. Couldn’t believe it. I broke up with him four times in six months. He almost moved to another country. And then….it just clicked. It was easier. He decided he wasn’t going to leave, wasn’t going to move, and he liked me. And we had fun! He had better taste in music than me! This older guy who started out as my teaching assistant in university(!) was here to stay. But for how long?
We moved in after dating for ten months. Decided over nachos. Bought groceries together. Whose life was this? Boys…trampled me. Left me. Moved away again and again. They didn’t move in with me. And I started to relax. A little. Tiny little bit. Who knew when I would finally drive him away for someone older, more mature, not in school, not me? I would enjoy what I had when I had it, and then I would have one of my friends move in with me.
But that didn’t happen.
And my panic attacks started getting better. A little.
One month until Mr. & Mrs.
We never talked about getting married until this past Christmas. We went over to his mom’s house and she thrust him something in one hand while handing him a Christmas cookie in another hand.
“It was your grandmother’s. From her first marriage in the 1920s.”
And it was a beautiful ring – an engagement ring! HOW AWKWARD. We took it home and put it in the bedroom closet. I couldn’t sleep. Sweet Jesus, why was it in our bedroom?! It shouldn’t be there, not if we weren’t getting engaged, we were happy – this made me feel muddled and strange. It made me feel like I was missing something and I wasn’t. Someone had to point this obvious fact out. I sat him down on the evening of Christmas Day.
“Mister, Look. It has to go, if we’re not getting engaged it has to go – not because it’s not beautiful but it’s weird! It’s in the closet all…..engagement-y and….it makes me nervous! What if you wanted to get married? You could just ask at any time without talking to me about it! That’s not fair! I should have an engagement ring here too that I can throw down at any time. Either that or lets put it in a safety deposit box or something. Okay? Is that okay?”
And in a way that only he can muster, he said, “I wouldn’t just ask you without talking to you about it. It’s just a ring unless you want to get married. Do you want to get married?”
“I……..umm…..I don’t……What do you want to do?”
“I would love to marry you.”
One month today until we’re married.
Just a little more than we already are.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I cannot tell you how much you sound like me. Add in a constant fear that something terrible was going to happen to him before we could get married, and you could BE me.
It’s going to be wonderful. Marriage changes you in subtle, beautiful ways that I don’t think living together ever could. I hope the month is peaceful for you, and that you are able to relax and enjoy it.
I am GIDDY for you. ‘Cause believe it or not, I have feelings haha
That’s such a sweet post! Is that the ring? It’s beautiful!!
I was like you as well, for a while. My relationship was too good, too perfect, I always waited for the other shoe to drop. It did, eventually, but he came back quickly, knowing it was wrong. And then, like you, it clicked.
Strange how relationships can do that. I’m really happy for you, though!
Oh, and a good friend of mine married her college TA as well. :)
A beautiful ring. A beautiful tribute. A beautiful life. You’ve got it all, girl!
Though, all this talk about one month until your wedding reminds me I’m one month, three weeks away from mine. Agh!
so is it wrong that while i’m reading this I see myself in this post? And also see the wonderful guy that I’m dating (and even typing that gives me hives, in the best way)?? I have those insecure moments at 24 (almost 25, yikes!) too, even with TDH.
By the way: I want to write like you. I think you are amazingly talented. Seriously.
What are the bridesmaid dresses like? I have to ask, you know, since I’ve been a bridesmaid seven times! =)
Awwwwwwwwwww!!! First off, wow, and second of all, GORGEOUS ring. Wow, wow, wow. I cannot even believe how gorgeous it is. I want? I also bet that a month feels like forever when you are waiting for one of the most important days of your life. Enjoy the ride….and it will come faster than you think. So happy for you!
Beautiful ring.
aw :) this made me smile so much! yay for one month! and okay, lady, now i need to see YOUR ring. i’m not sure if it’s there in the pic, because pics don’t work at my work (boo!) – but a 1920s ring?! AMAZING!!!
Thanks for sharing this adorable story. :)
I am excited to see pictures from your wedding!
Aww, cute post! Isn’t it crazy how things work out? How you think there is no way it would ever be possible and then suddenly, it’s reality?
Have a great next month! And if that is your ring, you are one lucky girl!
I got a little teary reading this. So beautiful, so sweet. I hope I find my one that clicks someday=)
Great post! And, I totally love the ring! One month–that will come up quickly! Good luck with everything! xo
Kyla, this post gave me goosebumps! I love your blog and can’t wait for more posts as your wedding approaches…
This is such a nice post…it’s nice to know how you guys met and got engaged, it’s a really sweet story and I love that it’s not the typical guy proposing shit (which it seems, people seem to make up that stuff anyway!).
Great post. The countdown begins. Congrats! I can’t wait to read more as it gets closer.